So you’ve finally pulled the trigger. You’ve picked a country. You’ve set the dates. And you’ve told your boss that you’re never coming back and ready to use your vacation days from work.
Now, the hard part. Who do you go with?
As an advocate of solo-traveling, I know this type of crazed sorcery isn’t for everyone, and if this is your first trip abroad, you should definitely bring someone with you. And I can’t say I speak from experience from this entire list, but I’ve definitely seen, heard, and been the third wheel to these type of people on trips, and I promise you, you’ll save yourself the headache and regret of bringing them, if you choose wisely in advance and take all this into account!
Disclaimer: This isn’t to say that you should never go anywhere with these type of people, but if you’re planning the trip of a lifetime to a place you’ve been dying to visit, in order to maximize the good times, who you’re bringing along will be crucial. And everyone knows at least one of these type of people. And if you can’t think of anyone who fits the list, perhaps it is you. Meep. Awk. Don’t shoot the messenger.
#5 // THE HIGH-MAINTENANCE PERSONIf you’re a seasoned traveler, you know there’s a lot of unsexy aspects of travel that us nomads don’t always broadcast or share. You’re sleeping on airport floors to catch red-eye flights, packing yourself like sardines on unsanitary metros, and sharing your precious oxygen with strangers everywhere... the nerve of such a life! Ha. But the last thing you need or want is someone reminding you how uncomfortable they are or how “in America” they never had to worry about x, y, and z. These people probably make great fashion stylists and know all the hot spots for the weekend, but leave them at home and take someone who knows how to let their weave hair down without worrying about a couple tangled strands in the process.
#4 // THE FILTHY RICH PERSONSo, true story guys... there was a D-list celebrity gal that I met through mutual contacts who was coming to visit Barcelona and wanted to hang out for a couple days. Of course I was more than happy to show her around like I do with anyone who reaches out, but her conversations kept directing back to luxury hotels and 5-star lounges to peruse. “You know you can’t be hangin’ round no 5-star lounges with a 2-star budget!” I kept telling myself.
I’m just at a different point in my life where I rather slave my savings away to Sallie Mae and just don’t need/desire fancy things like that. So if you’re bringing someone along who doesn’t have a limit to their credit card, the pressure is on you to casually match their spending habits. She asked to eat on the rooftop of a prestigious hotel with entrees starting in triple digit prices... meanwhile I’d normally still be living off the cookies I managed to smuggle through the airport two days prior. Let’s just say I flaked and caught a very bad, uhh... flu. I’m just not about to pay a car note price for food that will end up in the toilet a few hours later. Just, no. Bye, FeRicha.
#3 // THE NEW BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIENDOkay, so I get it. I really do. You’re head over heels and you want to start creating new and exciting memories together... so what better way than to travel! But in the butterfly phase, before you’ve even had your first argument, a foreign country where neither of you speak the local language isn’t the most relaxing environment to hash out your differences or argue over where to eat dinner, because we all know that argument is inevitable.
Not only will you both be out of your elements, but you’ll notice things about them that will irritate you more than ever. You guys will bicker over the smallest things and you’ll be doing it in a beautiful, foreign destination where your memories will become tainted with arguments over spilled milk. Traveling together should be the next phase of your relationship... after you guys have gone through the emotions of wanting to strangle each other in your home country first.
#2 // SINGLE & READY TO MINGLE WITH THE DINGLECan we all agree that we know exactly the kind of people I’m talking about without feeling like this is a slut-shaming sesh? I understand someone else’s body count is none of my business, but when they’re the reason you’re locked out of your hotel or stranded in the middle of nowhere, then yeah... it’s kinda your business now. It’s no secret that there are people who travel abroad with the sole purpose of finding a spouse, and meanwhile testing several potential suitors along the way. Not only does it put your 3rd-wheelin’ a$s in awkward positions hey-ohhh!, but it’ll ruin your friendship with this person and subsequently, the entire trip as well.
#1 // THE PERPETUAL DRUNKPart of knowing who you can travel with is also knowing who can handle their liquor and behavior when their tolerance is in question. I think it’s obvious Americans get a bad reputation abroad for not being able to drink responsibly due to the differences in legal drinking age. So some Americans come to Europe with that liberated feeling of being able to purchase and drink all their newly-legal heart desires and normally, this is broadcasted for others to judge accordingly all over the pavement outside the pub entrance. Not only is your night spent holding your friend’s hair over the toilet, but now Hungover Hannah can’t get out of bed at all the next day and you feel obligated to stay and remind her how she wasn’t barfing to the melody of Chewbacca last night and look after her. 1.5 days of your trip wasted. But oh, alas... the day has come where Lazarus emerges from their tomb, and despite her pleas to do better and make up for the other night, you find yourself, again, cleaning vomit out of her hair, apologizing to the bouncer, mayor, and all others she mocked in the process, while swimming through tears of regret in all its salty glory.
If you can avoid bringing any of these 5 types of people on your dream getaway, I promise your vacation will be even more amazing the minute you step off that plane. And stay tuned for “5 Types of People Who Make the BEST Travel Companions” soon! Of course I wouldn’t leave you guys hanging ;)
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